I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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