i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
