I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
