Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
