Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
