The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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