she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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