We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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