I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
