my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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