I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
