good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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