listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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