I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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