shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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