I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
