i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
