I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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