It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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