3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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