Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize