He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
