just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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