She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my shit smells like andre
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
