i wish my penis had a tongue
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
