I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
