I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
