I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize