If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
