Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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