That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
