Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
