when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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