We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
