my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize