I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
