She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
