I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize