Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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