I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
