We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
