i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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