Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
