I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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