God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
