remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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