Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How external is "for external use only"?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize