do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize