hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
