apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
