If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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