Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
