So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
