just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize