I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
