if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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