Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
