exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
