I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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