I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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