this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
