3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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