I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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