yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You pole danced in your parka.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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