You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
from now on my penis is your penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
