I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
