well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
