dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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