Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
