I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize