Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
