shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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