Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize