you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
