DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
