I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
