Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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