I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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