i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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