that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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