hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
