Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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