Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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