Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
