I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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