dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
