He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
