Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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