..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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