Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize