I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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