I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
