i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
