I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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