i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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