is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
