Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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