ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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