You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
