Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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