what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
