u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
