Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
