The maid of honor just puked.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
