Yo dont text me then not text me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
